Are women such difficult creatures to work with? Not if you understand what they are made of and how to handle them.

By Melody Tan

You may have to answer to a female boss who micro-manages. Or you may be stuck with an office-load of female colleagues who do not consider you a part of their beauty-tips-sharing clique.

The yin energy is slowly permeating every inch of your office. You’re trying to assert yourself as a worthy worker, while trying not to pull all your hair out figuring what they want from you.

How should you work with these seemingly unfathomable women?

Take the time to talk

Women don’t only talk to give or receive information, they also use it as an important tool to build relationships. They want to increase communication and expand their relationships, says ISR, an employee research firm in Chicago. Personal conversations are their way of building these relationships. Even if every muscle in your body is fighting its way back to your desk, initiate or participate in small talk with your female boss or colleagues. You want to be in their good books, don’t you?

Watch that tongue

Talking may be important, but watch what you say. And no bad sexist jokes. Women are famous for being ultra-sensitive and on top of that, sharing their grievances. So an offhand comment might send dagger eyes flying at you from all corners of the office. “Are you crazy?” or “Did you not comb your hair?” (For the misinformed, women take ages to perfect the messy casual look) are potential minefields even if they may seem like harmless remarks. And do not, ever, ask your colleague if she’s pregnant unless she tells you personally that she is.

Women are also known to be volatile, especially when they’re hit by the time of the month, stress or emotional trauma. “One of my superiors during my previous job was an easy-going person, but once in a while, she’ll blow up over issues she’d normally accept. This made working under her a bit scary,” Lin Zhaowei, a 22-year-old student says. Anything could be fuel to her fire, so what’s the best way to handle this? “Keep quiet or say yes to everything. And take the blame as well, of course”, he advises.

Listen to them

Women love to be able to share their thoughts and concerns as well as to be listened to. So talk when you have to, and listen all the time. Use active listening skills to show that you are really paying attention. Ask questions to ensure that you understand what she is saying and what the issue is. Few women will easily forget an incident where a colleague (or anyone else for that matter) failed to hear, listen and comprehend.

Criticise with care

You may be brimming with anger, but avoid lashing out at a female colleague. Women often take criticism very personally so approach it in a non-confrontational manner. Give the specifics of the problem areas and offer some positive comments and encouragement. That doesn’t mean that you should go easy on them when they make mistakes, just be as positive and constructive as possible. If not, you may risk fighting an emotional battle with her for all the wrong reasons. She may blow up anyway, but at least reason is on your side.

Admire her talents, not her figure

At the workplace, it is just too risky to compliment a woman on her physical attributes. You could risk being labelled superficial or sexist. Instead, admire her for her talents. This would mean she gets her well-deserved praise and you’ll be saved from a possible disaster. To be on the safe side, whatever you wouldn’t say to a man, don’t say it to a woman. You wouldn’t tell your male colleague he has nice legs, would you?

Honesty is the best policy

Women have terribly good intuition. They can sense if something is wrong or some bad news is coming, and they speculate – together. To avoid letting their imagination get out of hand, it’s always good to be as open with them as possible. If for example, there are layoffs coming around the corner, assure them that you will update them with any information that you are permitted to share. If you find that they might have taken offence with something you said or did, clarify immediately and don’t let those thoughts fester and spread.

It’s all in the details

We all know that most women love details. And that’s not just about dresses or juicy gossip, but also about being in the know about everything in their jurisdiction. In fact, 68% of employees with female bosses consider their bosses to be control freaks, as compared to 57% who felt that their male bosses were so. These were the results of a worldwide online survey conducted by employee management expert, Anna Johnson, in May.

Audrey Chua, 55, says, “Women want to take care of every small detail. They will keep thinking over things and make changes again and again. Men on the other hand, will make quick decisions and are only concerned about the final result. They won’t bother about how you go about achieving it.” The managerial assistant has worked with a fair share of male and female bosses and colleagues for the past 34 years.

If you know the details they would require, work on them. If not, go for important details that they didn’t think you would take note of. After all, women do like a bit of initiative. On the relationship-building front, your interest in details will show that you value the relationship. For example, if she mentions her children, casually ask what their names and ages are. However, never get too personal. How your colleague managed to squeeze herself in that tight dress, for example, is unnecessary information – even if you’re really curious.

Take time to understand

As career advisor Edward Chalmers says, “If a woman nods, it signifies she is listening, not necessarily agreeing. Where a man will usually react immediately if he feels he has been wronged or he disagrees with a decision, a woman may initially appear to acquiesce and then return to reopen the discussion or negotiation.”

Women are detail-oriented. They want to know all the facts and issues, understand them, chew on them, discuss them with the team, and make sure everything is taken care of. It may take a longer time, but that’s how they feel secure about making a right decision.

Audrey adds, “You have to take the time to know and understand their characters and what they want so you can adapt to it.“
“But most importantly, stay true to yourself and your principles, and produce good and consistent work. That way, no good boss or colleague can fault you.”